Cause I see sparks fly, whenever you smile

Have you ever met someone and knew instantly that you liked everything about them. When they say your name you can't see or hear anyone else but them ? When they smile at you, it melts your heart. When they hug you its the best part of your day. When they want to hangout with you and you feel like the luckiest person in the world. When you're with them and they make you laugh, you feel happier than you ever have in your whole life. When they look at you, you finally understand the true meaning of someone whose beautiful inside and out. Everything they do makes you like them more and more. You can actually for once be yourself around them.

 

Well let me tell you about this guy I know. I feel like we all have that one guy in our lives that makes you smile even when you're not with them. Even if they aren't "yours". You can't explain how you feel to other people because you're scared if they realize how great he is they will want him to. Lets call him S. And no this isn't the same S from previous blog posts. He has to be the most amazing boy I have ever met. I knew from the moment I met him that I would like him. This all started just over 4 months ago. When I met him at work. I didn't really know him because we both worked in different areas. But I noticed him. For the longest time I thought he was dating one of the girls at work, so I didn't do anything or say anything to anyone. I remember the day I got his number, I actually asked for it. We were at a BBQ with a bunch of coworkers and he went to leave and me having a few drinks in me said "Hey we should hangout sometime, whats your number ?" needless to say, it worked and we exchanged numbers. I also thought it would be a good idea to just spill the beans with a "Hey I think you're super cute and I had to tell you, I have the biggest crush on you" text.. The next day getting ready for work I was like OMG no, why did I do that ? We didn't really talk much that day. I would go out of my way to avoid him. So finally I was like this is stupid and just texted him and made everything good. We casually started to talk more. He invited me out one night with everyone, and that was the first night I truly got to know him. We danced together, had some drinks. It was cold out that night and I had left my purse and coat in his car so when we were outside he hugged me to make me warm. A girl came up and said we were the cutest couple ever.. We both laughed and said no we were only friends. At that moment I thought to myself. DO NOT FALL FOR HIM. I saw him as such a good friend at this point. I ended up getting a new position at work as did he. So now we see each other lots. He helps me out all the time, we talk all the time. Hangout tons. Go on all our breaks together. Car rides. We even sing to each other. I just feel like I am the happiest and luckiest girl ever when I am with him. Now, as great as this all sounds, I also have been hiding my feelings. Everyone calls us out on it and askes "when will you two just date ?" "Its obvious you guys like each other" But we play it cool and just deny it. So I couldn't take it anymore. I have gone a few real dates since I have known him. He met one of them at a going away party and hated the guy and told me not to ever date him. And I have met another guy, hes super sweet and we went on a really nice date. But its not far to keep doing this knowing I have feelings for someone else. It just isn't. So I told myself I had no other choice but to tell him how I truly felt. So I did. We were out for drinks with a bunch of, and all of them always make comments about us and how we like each other. Heck his roommate was even there and she asked me how I felt about him and I lied and said he was just a friend. So we're all dancing and me and him leave to go get another drink. I thought hey this is a wonderful time to spill the beans. So I just came out with it and said "you're great I love hanging out with you" he agreed and said the same thing about me. So we went outside together, and I just sat down and looked away. He asked me what was wrong and I said "can I be honest with you ? I just.. I really really reallly reallly realllly like you, I have these stupid feelings for you and I think you're amazing and I just have to tell you" He didn't really say a lot. But he did say he liked me too but he didn't want to do this well we were both drinking. I felt as though he only said it to make me feel better, but who knows. We went back inside and everyone was still dancing. We were just standing at the table and I looked at him and asked him to hug him. So he did. But he also kissed me, and we just made out. His roommate came up afterwards and said "I thought you didn't like him" well, obviously I lied. Because I am falling for this boy and I just don't know what to do :(.

 

Everything seems to be good. And I said sorry for my actions and he was fine. Everything seems normal, but who knows.. I guess I will once I see him at work. I just haven't felt this way about someone for so long... Dang you feelings you really suck.

 

N



Sometimes admitting you were wrong, is the hardest part.

I have blogged in such along time. But maybe it will help clear my head about everything. I've been feeling pretty upset lately, and its weird because everything in my life is going fine. I should be happy. But then I think about how horrible of a person I really am. I am a really mean, unhappy person. Its almost like the way I act sometimes towards people makes me feel better, but it really doesn't. I am so unhappy with everything in my life, that I have pushed away the people who meant the most to me. So with that being said I am going to dedicate this to some of those people who deserve and apology, even if they never read it, or never forgive me. I will hopefully feel better admitting how I did them wrong.

 

 

Dear F : Everything with you is up and down. It has been mostly up since I moved. but you make me feel guilty for being more happy which isn't fair. I am sorry that sometimes I ignore your phone calls. And sometimes I lie and say I am busy just so that I don't have to talk you.

 

 

Dear N : I'm sorry for how our relationship is now. But I don't know how to be nice or cival with you after everything. You did a lot for me when I first got here but then its like you threw it all away and I am not sure how to forgive you. So instead I just don't really talk to you at all.

 

 

Dear JL : Where do I even start ?

I remember all the times in my life when I felt like I had noone, but at the end of the day I always had you. You were always there. And what did I do ? I let the influence of listening to other people take that away. I let everything people said become how I felt about you. You were never a bad friend, you never did anything wrong. You aren't "Toxic", you're not a bad person. You never did me wrong. We both did things to hurt to each other, but we got over it and found ways to smile and be bestfriends. I thought when I said all the horrible things I said that I wouldn't miss you, or think about you. Or ever want to see you again. I am sorry I made no time for you when I came to visit, thats not the person I am. And as much as it may have hurt you, it hurt me more to know I wasn't going to see you because of my actions. Sometimes they say if you love something let it go, if it comes back its yours and thats how you know. I guess you could say I love you, and let our friendship go and you just aren't ever coming back. I messed up. I literally lost the bestest friend I ever had, over my own words. How do you forget that ? You just don't. I couldn't tell you why I thought saying everything I said to you was okay. The fact that this is the only way I know how to appologize is pathetic. I don't expect you to ever forgive me, talk to me, or want anything to do with me again. I've cried so many times. I look at pictures of us from years ago to right up until I left. I just don't really know why I did it. You're such an amazing person, you're too good for most people. You are going places in life and you make other people jealous with how great you're doing. You have found someone who truly loves everything about you, and you deserve it. I only wish you the best in life. This has to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to write. But with this, I think I may be able to let go now. I know I won't ever forget you, but everytime I think of you I'll remember why we aren't friends, because of what I did. I truly miss you, and wish that I never let things get like this. I'm going to end it here because the tears won't stop and just hope that you know how bad I feel.

 

 

 

N



Oh Life.

Well, obviously I suck at this blogging everything day. BUT at least I am writing one. So I left off last time starting me new job. I had my first week and loved it ! Everyone is SO nice and its a great place to work. I'm still a little bored, and haven't really gone out or met a lot of people, I hope that changes though because I am starting to feel super sad and missing everyone, I know that I can get past this but its hard sometimes not seeing your life long friends, or family. I just need to push forward.

Anyways, so whats been happening. Well funny story, I live with 5 other people. 3 of them being family. So one of the guys who rents a room downstairs is super attractive, he has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. And the other one is nice, but hes not as friendly. So this weekend I had no plans and Friday night I got home and my little cousin was having his birthday party, and there were lots of young kids here. And my one roommate was on night shifts and the good looking one usually goes back home for the weekend. So I was a little sad I wouldn't see him around all weekend. So I came home and his car was here so I was a little happy. Anyways I was super exhausted and went to bed around 11pm. I got woken up at 3am.. I was sound asleep and I hear "Nicole Nicole wake up" and here I am like "WTF" so its the good looking roomie. I was like this really cannot be happening right now. I don't really know him that well and he wasn't taking me not getting up for and answer. So I got up put on a sweater tried to look half decent and went into his room and sat on his bed and we talked til 7am. He was pretty drunk but he did sober lots. I learned lots about him, he love his mom more than anything which is super cute. Anyways, its like 7am I am super tired and he looks at me yawning and hes like "I'm going to ask you a blunt question" and he pauses and I am like.. Okay what his he going to ask, so many things go running through your head. He turns and looks at me with his beautiful eyes and hes like "Do you want to cuddle" I actually burst out laughing and had to nicely say NO.. Which sucked ass.. Seriously.. like.. baah. I don't know what I said it. But I didn't want some awkwardness the next day, plus we all know what cuddling means.. Even though he did say "Nothing sexual will happen" but lets get real. Plus the fact my cousin comes downstairs sometimes and wakes me up wouldn't have been good if I wasn't in my bed.. Kind of awkward. So I went to tell my older cousin and shes like "Did you sleep in his room.. I heard you guys talking all night" SO awkward. Anyways needless to say I am kind of regretting not cuddling. But I was told I am NOT allowed to cuddle and not to think I am allowed. We shall see what happens.

So lets talk about S, well we haven't seen each other besides one time we went for Slurpee's. But he is now back home visiting his little boys I just don't know if it would ever go anywhere. So that's all for now.

Hope everyone has a good week.

Love and Light

NC

That's what I love about Sunday

Well hello there. I am seriously going to make it a goal to start bloggin each day even if its just a little one. SO much has happened since I last blogged, life is so exciting.

Well lets start off with the fact I am really liking living in this smaller town. Its exciting meeting new people and finding my way around places. I also have had 5 interviews since I got here just over 2 weeks ago, as well I have got hired for a job and quit a job within a week for a new job. I got hired at Sobeys being a cashier, not the most ideal job but I figured I should take it and still look for something better. I had to beg her to pay me more than 12 an hour, seeing as I know first hand I am worth WAY more, so she offered me 14 an hour. In the meantime (I only worked 3 shifts at Sobeys and they were only 4 hours each) I continued to look for a better paying job that would have better hours and better suite me. So I applied at tons of places and finally got a call back. I went for my interview and it was amazing. You know when you meet someone for the first time and it feels like you've known them forever ? You can see the warmness in that person. Well that was my interview, we got along super well (which is great cause he is now my boss) we laughed, we also had lots of things in common, one of them being KARAOKE. I LOVE KARAOKE. I haven't gone to karaoke since moving, and I've wanted to meet people who have a love for it as well, well it turns out my new job and my new family I'll be working with, they go out every weekend to karaoke all together. PERFECT. Also, I work Monday to Friday 11-8pm have an hour lunch, no weekends, have a nice discount and make 18 bucks an hour. A much better upgrade from bagging groceries at Sobeys.

I also went out for the first time here the other night with my cousin and her coworkers. I had a blast, got way too drunk, danced alone like an idiot, talked to people, and met a cute boy. We will call him S. So I don't really recall how I started talking to S, but I ended up taking his blackberry and scanning my bar code into his phone. Then we left the place we were at and I woke up the next morning thinking "my god I feel horrible, obviously last night was good" I am still a little sceptical on it though ha ha. So I look at my phone (which had died) I plug it in and notice I have a new bbm. Its from S, saying "Morning Beautiful, hope you're not feeling to horrible today. I hope I can get the chance to take you on a real date" HOW CUTE. And he is super cute, and such a sweetie, we have been talking nonstop since yesterday morning. So he invited me over last night cause his parents were having a BBQ and a fire, I didn't go because I thought "I don't really know him its a little late and although I'm sure I'd be fine I am not a risk taker" So I nicely declined. But every Sunday his family all gets together and has big Sunday dinners and plays games which I think is super cute. So he invited me.. So this has now reassured me he isn't married or seeing anyone. Oh he is from Ontario and is out here to work. He is 29, and has 2 little boys. Although the kid thing is a little weird too me, he was super honest about their Mom. So I figure why not give him a chance ? I do love kids, and he isn't looking just to hook up which I like. I hate when you're talking to a guy and they say sexual things or make themselves seem like they only want one thing, and he hasn't done that. He seems super respectful.

So I start my new job tomorrow, and I am super excited. So I imagine I will blog about my first day and about how today goes with S. Also just wanted to give a little shout out to my BFF. I love and miss you, and can't wait til I see you soon !! And I think you and your boy are super cute. I found the picture up top and it made me think of you, and how much I miss our silly Friday nights.

That's all for now ladies, I WILL be back. Promise.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Love & Light

NC

One step at a time

Happy Thursday

Today for me was an excellent day, I had 2 interviews. Although I have already got a job I am still looking as the job I took isn't 100% what I want to be doing, but it is still a job.

I also am a little more familiar with where I live now and we started doing my room today, so I am hoping that its done early next week.

So today I wanted to talk about steps.

The steps we take daily to make ourselves happy.

Make our friends and family happy.

The little steps we take that have a big impact on our future.

So I will break down some of my steps for you.

Step 1 : Doing what I need to do

Step 2 : Feeling 100% happy with my choices

Step 3 : Knowing I am loved & supported in what I am doing

Step 4 : Not letting fear control my future

Step 5 : Knowing at the end of the day, my life is about ME & no one else

Step 6 : Not letting someone else influence the things I want in life

Step 7 : Living everyday like its my last

Step 8 : Knowing that at the end of the day I only have myself

Step 9 : Being grateful for what I have and what I love

Step 10 : Only letting my happiness come first

Well there you have it, the steps I am living by I hope you can all live life the way you want. Life isn't always about doing what everyone else thinks is right but doing what you know is right.

Light & Love

xoxo

NC

Always Sometimes Never

Happy hump day everyone !

I have been told I need to blog more. So I shall.

Plus having some followers would be cool as well.

Update : Since moving, it will be a week tomorrow !! I got a job  I start Monday. It's not exactly the job I came up here looking for, but its a start. I am excited, but I am still looking in the mean time for better paying jobs as I think I deserve more :)

Always ? Sometimes ? Never !

I always : Think about you & miss you

I sometimes : Think we will grow apart

I never : Listen to myself because I know that we will always be BFF

I always : Clean up the kitchen after I cook for everyone

I sometimes : Wish my younger cousins would help

I never : Ask them to help me, because I feel its my job to do

I always : Laugh at myself

I sometimes : Think I may be the funniest person alive

I never : Take myself to seriously

I always : Know at the end of the day I made the right choice moving

I sometimes : Get lonely and miss my friends and seeing my dad

I never : Really am lonely because I am with my family all the time

I always : Want the things I can't have

I sometimes : Wish I could have everything

I never : Allow my wants to out weigh my needs

I always : Watch Gossip Girl on Monday

I sometimes : Want it to be on for 5 hours instead of 1

I never : Like how they leave you guessing for a week

I always : Crave eggs

I sometimes : Think I could live on them

I never : Think its a good idea to only eat them

I always : Second guess myself

I sometimes : Think I make horrible choices

I never : Allow the feeling of fear control me

I always : Want to shop

I sometimes : Buy things I don't need

I never : Return things

I always : Say I love you to my friends

I sometimes :  Think I love my friends more than I love myself

I never : Forget to tell people what they mean to me

What I'm Loving Sunday

Good morning lovely ladies !

Well first I'd like to say I hope you all had a wonderful weekend, and I apologise in not having more posts this last week, but it has been a crazy last few days.

I thought today I'd do a blog of what I'm loving today.

I'm loving the beautiful sunshine

I'm loving my little cousins

I'm loving being in a new place

I'm loving spending time with family

I'm loving the new love of my life Peanut (my cousins dog)

I'm loving walks around my new home

I'm loving how excited I am to finish my new room

I'm loving my friends back home

I'm loving talking to my Twin everyday

I'm loving movie nights with my cousin and her friends

I'm loving be asked advice by my cousin

I'm loving laughing

I'm loving feeling happy

I'm loving the fact I get to meet so many new people

I'm loving having PVR.. BEST thing ever

I'm loving tomorrow is Monday

I'm loving how Peanut sleeps with me every night and keeps me company

I'm loving how much everyone loves each other in my new home

I'm loving feeling like i belong somewhere.

Well ladies there you have it, what I am loving today. I suppose I should fill you all in. Well I recently just moved 9 hours from home to my cousins house. It was a very rushed last minute choice I made, but I knew I had to make it so that my life could be where I want it to be. Things just weren't going so well for me at home and I needed to break a bad cycle or else my life wouldn't ever be as good as I know it can be. So within 2 days I had all my stuff packed and was here at my new home. I'm living with my cousin Nellie and she 3 kids. So I have been spending lots of time with my younger cousin Tyra (14) and Dustin (11) my other cousin is currently living with my Aunt 13 hours away. So its a little hectic. I have also not really lived around kids or animals in such along time I was worried I might be bad at it. But my cousins dog Peanut has taking a huge love to me, and sleeps with my every night and has even stopped sleeping with my cousin since I got here, but its cute, he sleeps under the blankets and when you wake up in the morning he attacks you with kisses. We also have a cat and a lizard.. Not such a fan of the lizard but that's life. Anyways everything is wonderful down here, I am just going to go hard and get a job this week and start working and saving money. I am super excited for everything ! I don't plan on going home until July to visit everyone. And although I don't have any friends here I still talk my friends who are far away tons so it doesn't even feel like I left.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend !!

Love and Light

NC

xox

YOU matter so much to me, YOU have no idea

So as I write this, I have tears running down my cheeks ; Not because I am upset, unhappy, or depressed but because in this moment sitting here thinking about everything it has hit me really hard that when I wake up tomorrow morning my life will change.  I'm not scared or worried for all the things in life that I know I will accomplish, the things I've always wanted to do for myself. I am sad because even though I am only going maybe 12 hours away the most, I feel like I am leaving the most important person in my life back here where I have called home my whole life. I am sure that many of you can relate you having someone amazing in your life, someone who not only sees in you what you'll never see in yourself, but someone who knows every thing about and still loves you. Its not just that I am leaving my BEST FRIEND. I am leaving my sister, my twin, my soul mate. I know that it will only be a short time again until I see her again. But until then, let me explain all the reasons why I love my twin, why its so hard to be apart. It all began back in high school, and as much as I don't want to admit it, I was a geek. I didn't really do my makeup I tried super hard to make people like me, I wanted to be popular and cool and had no confidence in myself. I remember the day it all changed. I took the bus home everyday after school, and had seen this girl around school who talked to people I kind of knew, yet I hadn't ever talked to her. You see the thing was when I saw her I thought "Oh wow, she is SO cool we wouldn't ever be friends". Well that all changed one day on the bus after school. I got on the bus like I had everyday after school, heading to the mall to go work my shitty paying part-time job at A&W.. SO lame, but yes that was my first job, and I was proud of it. Well on my journey to the mall that day I sat down on the bus and to my surprise this super cool popular girl was also on the bus. I was not at the time one to initiate a conversation with someone I am not comfortable around or didn't know well. But to my surprise she talked to me. I couldn't even tell you what we talked about but I remember how i react after it. After work I got home and told my Mom the coolest, most popular girl EVER talked to me on the bus and I was going to sit with her at lunch. So I sat with her at lunch, and we built up a ever lasting friendship, we literally realised how much we had in common, music, boys, clothes, jokes, our humour is still to this day the same, we even worked together at a movie theather for along time. As we grew up we drifted a little apart, but always would still talk and catch up. She went and lived life different than I lived mine, which was okay I think it helped us build our friendship because we both went through hard times but still remained close and vented to each other. In the last 3-4 years we have grown together so much. We have been put in situations where people have tried to crack our friendship, people have taken sides against either one of us, but never once have we thought about not being friends. We do EVERYTHING together, I am not even kidding. We can spend a Friday night in the house dying our hair, painting our nails, laughing and watching stupid TV shows. We also think the same things at the same time, and say the same things, and laugh the same. We are attached at the hip. And we get told all the time we look alike, or asked if we are sisters. We can have fun anywhere we go, shes basically the only friend I need. People might not ever understand our friendship, and that's okay, because we understand it. She is an inspirational, beautiful, confident, outgoing, funny, crazy, goofy, goal orientated, out spoken, nice, caring, reliable, and amazing woman. I wouldn't trade her for the world. She can see things in me, I don't even see in myself. When I feel like giving up and treat her crappy and take out my problems on her, she doesn't fight with me or turn away but supports me. She lets me vent, lets me cry, lets me laugh. And if I feel like I'll never laugh again, she uses her humour and makes me laugh. She sees the best in people, even when they don't deserve it. And I know that no one else will ever come into my life and replace her, she is always going to be the twin sister I never got to have (I was actually a twin which is crazy, and my mom lost the other twin halfway through the pregnancy and I was the stronger twin and survived) maybe she is my Angel, protecting me making sure I am okay. Whatever she is, she is my best friend. I know that everyone can say they have the most amazing friend in the world, but I beg to differ, because you've never met my best friend. People might think we are crazy, we make up the dumbest shit together, laugh at the stupidest things but it works for us. We can go without makeup, wearing sweats, to tan. We both give each other different things in a friendship, but I can honestly say that if I didn't have her, I'm not sure how many times I would have given up on everything. Its nice to have someone in your life who makes you want to reach your dreams, they support you. I am truly blessed to have her.

As I currently get ready to leave on this life changing move to find myself and discover everything I want in life and out of myself. I know that she will read this, and possibly have tears in her eyes. But she will always know I am here, a BBM, FB, phone call away. Plus, I hope she does feel her heart strings tug a little. You see, we decided to be fun and have something to look forward to we would write back and forth in a journal and send to each other after we have written in it. I know, sister hood of the travelling journal ha ha. But what I didn't expect was her to give me the journal and had already wrote in it. It brought tears to my eyes. Her encouraging words and love that came through on the page really touched me, and made me realise as hard as this might be to be away from everyone in a new place, with no friends it won't be so hard. Because I've got her.

I guess what I am trying to say is ; Twin, NEVER change, ever. For anyone, because you are the most perfect, beautiful person I have ever had in my life. We are going onto 7 years into our wonderful friendship, but I know one day we will be sitting on the front deck in rocking chairs bitching about our husbands and kids, probably listening to rap music, drinking Slurpee's in our sweat pants ha ha. I love you with everything I have, all my heart and soul.

Don't ever forget it ! You've always got me.

Light&Love

xoxo

NC

When life has got you down - just get back up

Well hello that. Happy Easter to everyone. I haven't blogged in awhile. For those of you who follow me (which isn't many) I should really work on that. But I had a blog posted about kind of fighting with a friend, everything is okay with her now. I am very happy for that. But the rest of my life has kind of gone down hill. Sadly, I know longer have the "dream job" I always wanted, as I was let go about 2 weeks ago. It was super depressing and sad, and now nothing seems to be going my way. As my dad has now decided to move out and go to the Yukon or Alaska.. Whichever he wants. And I am now left with a lease, and need to find someone else to move into my house. On the plus side I applied for a few more jobs, one being a job where I'd be gone for 4 months but have the opportunity to make a lot of money. So I am hoping for the best, but right now life feels so downhill and upsetting.

I've cried a lot in the last two weeks, even though I have seemed normal too my friends I'm really not at all. I really hope that I can get through this. I feel lonely and depressed. I just don't know what to do, all I know not to do is not to give up. I wish my life was a movie, and it wouldn't suck so much right now. But everything in life happens for a reason, so I hope that it all gets better ! I will update everyone when I know whats going on. Until then cheers and have a great week ladies.

Also here are some pictures from the weekend !!

 Me and my friend Kayla

 Me & my BFF

And this when we started pre-drinking at 5pm on Saturday.. what an interesting night to say the least.

We did have a ton of fun, and not talking to her for a few weeks was very hard, we had SO much fun together, and after this weekend I figured out  that she may actually be the only REAL friend I have I don't ever want to go again without talking to her. Love you babe !!

NC



Heaven is a place on earth

Hello there ! Well let me fill you in on the last few days in my life. I spent a lot of time with my friend Mary, she wasn't feeling well so I took care of her. And on Sunday night we went to Karaoke with some friends. Its always good seeing old friends, she hadn't met them before, but I told her they were very entertaining guys. Except it also was a little awkward you know when the ex-boyfriend is there and pretends you're not there and ignores everyone who came out that night.. So it was basically me and my friend Mary sitting alone the whole time cause our other friend was singing so much. But all in all it was a super fun night. Then on Monday Mary and I watched Tangled and fell asleep and napped and then got some motivation and did some recycling and then went for Pho, and we had intentions to go out again but it didn't happen, instead we watched Puss in boots which was really cute, had milkshakes and were just lazy. Today we watched Ellen, listened to the Justin Biber song on reply and once again we were lazy. Once she went home I did some cleaning, had a shower and got all pretty, and now I am sitting here blogging because its been a few days. I have had the last 2 days off work which was nice but I go back to work tomorrow and its going to be hectic because our gift starts on thursday, hello GWP !!

On a side note we also got some bad news well hanging out together. A very close family friend we both knew passed away from Cancer. He was such an amazing man and fought for along time trying to get better. God has another Angel now and we know he will watch over us <3 but this isn't all the bad new we got. Another one of our friends brothers just found out he has a Tumor in his brain, he should be okay as the doctors said it can be removed easily. So my thoughts are with my friends family and I hope all is well. I hope everyone else is having a good last few days, and I just hope NOONE has to hear anymore sad news ! Take care everyone. Life is too short. xo

NC

If life were like a movie.

Well I won't be posting another blog for at least a few days, but I hope everyone has a good weekend. And I will be back sometime next week to read everyones new blogs =)



I just haven't met you yet

Cause that truth hurts & those lies kill

So I've been spending this week "thinking" a lot. About many things, how I feel. I've spent a lot of time dealing with my own thoughts and how I have been made out to feel. You know when you're s mad at someone that you wish you could just pretend like you never that met that person ? Or wish they would just go away, but they won't go away because they care. Thats my life. Even though everyone messes up sometimes, heck I've done it too. We all do it. We even do it to the ones we love most. I know you're going to read this and clue into as why maybe I'm not being the person I usually am, and I know that we've talked and things seemed good. I know we have both done things to upset each other. I guess I know how you felt when your relationship ended and I hungout with your ex all the time, and I thought it was okay because he was my good friend before you ever dated. And I know you're not going to try and be with this person now, and I honestly don't think I am even all that mad at you. Its because I have envy, I'm SO angry, possibly with myself. Maybe because I just look at myself now and think "if I was more like her he would have liked me to, shes so pretty, she is going places with her life.. what am I doing" I just feel super negative about myself. And I don't want to feel this way because two friends should never be in this situation. I guess what I'm saying is even if right now I act like I don't care about you, or I don't talk to you as much, and I may not want to hangout with you right now, I still love you. I always will, and I'll always be here. I think I just need time to grasp your point of view. I'm sorry that its easier for me to sit here and type this out rather then just talk to you. But I feel like if we hungout and talked I would just be upset and cry. I'm sorry.

Well there ya all have it, straight up feelings from the heart. On the plus side, Hello new follower :) Super excited to have a new follower. Besides me being emotional all week. It hasn't been all that bad. I had a break down on Tuesday at work and bawled my eyes out and basically gave up and was ready to walk away from what I worked so hard to get. I just hate bumping heads with my boss so much, but even when I explain to  her how I feel and communicate with her she still acts the same, its really difficult. BUT being positive I had rocked it at work (obviously I didn't leave my job) I feel like we all have days like that though, where it would just be easier to give up, you can't though. Really, I saw a good quote "Not everyday will be good, but theres something good in everyday" I think I have stopped being as positive as I like. I have so much in my life that other people would cherish, I need to start being the positive happy Nicole I am. I've felt so upset and sad this week. I have cried everyday. Its worse when I'm alone, I feel like I am depressed but I have nothing to be depressed about. I hate these feelings.

NC



I've been tagged

Hey Ladies, Wow. Its been a while. Well first off I'll start by filling everyone in with what I have been doing. I have been working lots, seeing friends, celebrating & living life.

I went to a hockey game the other day, and then we had a little St Patricks day get together. I got a new phone, a new camera, some new makeup, went to the car show & for lunch with a friend. I'll post some pictures afterwards. So seeing as I was tagged I will fill this thingy out.

1. If you could trade places with anyone for a day who would it be?

I'd have to say Selena Gomez, because I love her, and well.. her boyfriends pretty cute too, yes I do have Bieber fever <3

2. With unlimited money, which store would you go to first?

This is hard, I wouldn't say I shop a lot. So with unlimited money I'd go to a huge mall, and spend money at every store.

3. Who is the most influential person in your life, and why?

My father. Because with everything he has been through he still manages to be there for me at the end of the day. Hes loving, caring and funny. And when I am in a bad mood, he knows how to cheer me up. Hes my bestfriend, I tell him everything doesn't matter what it is. We have a wonderful relationship, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

4. What is your favorite article of clothing you own?

Sweat pants. I love sweats

5. Favorite color?

Pink

6. On a typical friday night, where are your friends most likely to find you?

At Dennys with Jessica, or sitting in my room painting our nails

7. Why did you start your blog?

Because my friend had a blog and I liked it, but now I need to keep up with the blog.

8. What is your dream job?

Well being a MUA was my dream, but if I could be a singer that would be super amazing too

9.What is one thing you want to do before you die?

Fall in love. Real love and know how it feels to be truly loved by someone and to truly love them back. And get married and have a family.

10. Who is your celebrity crush?

TYGA <3

11. Where do you live, and were you born there?

I live in Calgary, but I was born in New Brunswick.

 

 

I can't tag people because I don't have enough friends. Hopefully I start to get some.

 

 

 

Pictures !

 

 Hockey Game

 St Patricks day (me)

 St Patrick day shots

 Car show

 Car show

 Car show

 Car show

New makeup look !

 

Happpy blogging

NC



Winners don't quit & quitters never win

Good evening everyone ! I totally wanted to do a blog earlier today but seeing as I just got home, I suppose I will make one now. So thinking that yesterday was such a great day I figured that today would be great too , I may have been a little wrong. I have to admit that sometimes I let things get to me and tend to be a baby and cry super easy - although I didn't cry today I sure felt like it. First off my morning wasn't so good, I felt this awkward negativity coming from my dad to the point he didn't even acknowledge me this morning, I had no idea why but I figure if he couldn't say hello why should I ? I know super not fun at all. Then I got to work, and it was numbers numbers numbers. I currently have really high expectations, and althoughn I am still learning thats over looked as I should be doing amazing, and I guess I am not doing as great at my job as I thought. I took it too heart and my first thought was "I might as well go home and start looking for something new, I obviously suck at my job" of course I didn't do that, because thats generally what I always do, give up. Because its so much easier then trying. So instead I vented a little too some friends, and talked to my boss. I figured out what I need to do to suceed, the thing is I currently have an $11,000 target at work, and I'm currently sitting at $180.00, I need to reach this target by the end of the month, SO yes.. Very stressful. But I realized something today well I was thinking in my head "Nicole you're no good, you can't do this, might as well give up now, give in your two weeks tomrrow" etc, it hit me. I wouldn't have my job or be where I am today if they didn't think I couldn't do it, everyday at work isn't going to be easy. The best MUA didn't get to where they are by not working hard, so instead of being negative I took some advice from a friend she told me "Rome wasn't build in a day, these things take time" basically, if I give up now I'll never really realize the potential I have and how amazing I truly am. Tomorrow is also a new day.

I did eventually get out of my mood and cheer up a little. I thought it was really cute today and may sound super lame but my manager gave us all candy for doing a good job, halloween candy in March. It made me laugh a little. Then I spent the night with a good friend, we drove around a little went to visit her mom and little sister, got Italian ice cream Gelato I believe is what its called, very delicious. Over all I had a goodnight, and I know tomorrow will be better. I am currently sitting at home with a nasty headache and waiting to watch Jersey Shore.. Have to admit reality TV is horrible, but so entertaining. So I guess the moral of my post today is "When lifes got you down, just get back up" because tomorrow is a new day and not everyday will go as planned.

Also on the plus side a guy I have a thing for asked me to hangout next weekend, even though we used to have a "fling" type thing it made me feel special he wanted to hangout with me. I got in an accident last weekend on saturday night, I wasn't badly hurt. Shaken up, my head still hurts a little, and I am really tense. My first instinct was to call him, because it was almost 10pm and I know he doesn't drink. He was actually on a date and left his date to come and safe me and my friend. So I am currently calling him my "Princess Charming" he made a little joke and said he's a knight in shinning armour. Lets just hope things ( if they even GET to that point) don't go bad, they didn't end too bad before. But I was a little heartbroken. What can I say I am a hopeless romantic. I don't think I want to settle down, I am still trying to figure out everything I want in life. Plus there is another really cute boy I talk to all the time. He's Australian and pretty cute, so who knows ! And if nothing were to ever happen between either one, theres plenty of fish in the sea. Anyways dreamers I am going to get comfy, wash off my make-up and wait for my lame reality TV show to come on and then head to bed. Hope everyone had a good day, and if you didn't just remember that tomorrow will be better, its a new day and to keep your head up.

NC

Just call me Martha Stewart

So I made the cupcakes. Haven't made cupcakes in so long. I cooked them a little too long, But they were still good, my dad didn't complain well he ate them. :)

I used a Red Velvet cupcake mix we bought from Wal-Mart, was asbout $5.00, so simple too and it came with the icing !! All I had to do was add 2/3 cups water, a egg, 3 teaspoons of butter.

This is what they looked like when I was letting them cool down, before I iced them of course. They were so little and fluffy.

And the end results !! I didn't add little cute hearts onto all of them because my dad doesn't like them that much. But all and all I think they look adorable ! I will start taking pictures of everything I bake, because I love baking its good for stress. And the girls at work always request my goodies !! Hope everyone had a goodnight.

NC

Laughter is the best medicine

Well today was a very good day. I was off work and woke up early, I started my day off by doing a blog. It was the first thing I could think of doing. Then I spent some time on the phone getting information for my taxes and some banking info, once that was done I gave all the info to a friend who did my taxes for me. Now I'm just waiting for my money to come and thinking of what I'll spend it on, I have lots of ideas. I think I will save most of it for a vacation this summer that I want to go on. After I did all this I got ready, tried some new makeup I got, loved the results and went to meet some friends for lunch. I went for lunch with a friend and her boyfriend at Kinjo, its a Sushi place. I love sushi. We all took the sheet and kept ordering stuff, our server actually came back and told us we ordered too much for just 3 people so we had to go back and erase some things. We honestly didn't realize how much stuff we picked until we got it at the table and all looked at it with big eyes thinking "Okay, challenge accepted". Sushi was really fun and we shared some great laughs and had some sushi to take home. I just came home afterwards and ended up having a little nap, and now here I am making a new blog for you. Whats everyones favorite places to go on lunch dates with their friends ? Whats your favortire kind of sushi ? Well I'm gonna go and possibly bake some Red Velvet cupcakes, if I do I'll post some pics of the outcome for everyone too see. Hope everyone had a great day !

NC

These are a few of my favorite things

Here are some things I love, some are new products I haven't tried out. But once I do I will have an  update for all of you as to how well they worked. Lets begin

Products with a * are all brand new too me.

~H20+ Spa - softening mint foot rub *

~H20+ Bath Exotics - raspberry guava ( smells amazing) *

~H20+ Bath Exotics - sweet berry *

~H20+ Spa - pumice foot scrub *

Please let me know if you've tried any of these & what you thought of the end result, I'm super excited to use the lotion and give my feet a nice at home pedi.

Now moving onto products I adore and love

From left to right.

Estee Lauder Pink Shimmer Blush

Estee Lauder Double Wear 1N1 Pressed Powder

Estee Lauder Double Mattee Oil Control Pressed Powder Light/Medium

Estee Lauder Bronze Goddess Soft Shimmer Bronzer

Estee Lauder Signature Silky Powder Blush in Sweet Nectar

Estee Lauder Pure Color Twinkle Pink Metallic Eye Shadow

Estee Lauder Double Wear stay-in-place ShadowCreme in Golden Sands

Estee Lauder Double Wear stay-in-place ShadowCreme in Pink Pearl

Estee Lauder Double Wear stay-in-place Makeup in Dessert Beige

Estee Lauder Pure Color Nail Lacquer in Frozen Fantasy *

Estee Lauder Pure Color Gloss Stick in Nude Almond

Estee Lauder Signature Lipstick in Plum Frost

Estee Lauder Sumptuous Bold Volume Lifting Mascara

Estee Lauder Sumptuous Extreme Lash Multiplying Volume Mascara

Have any of you used any of these products ? Did you like them, what didn't you like.

The only products I put on my face are Estee Lauder, if you have any makeup related questions please feel free to ask, and if you'd like any information on how a product works or for more details just ask.

NC

KONY 2012

http://vimeo.com/37119711

SPREAD THE WORD !!
click the link and watch this. this is amazing.

Hopeless Romantic

The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything.

The only thing that truly scares me, is what love can do to a person.

Everyone has a secrect but I have two : Everything you say & everything you do.

I guess I got left behind

I know its so lame. but have you ever thought "what if". What if things were different ? What if it worked out, what if every single promise he told you, he kept. What if every single word he said, was actually true. What if somehow despite how bad it all ended, it could've worked out. What if you could go back in time and change everything so nothing would go wrong ? I know that when you become close to someone, see them all the time, want to spend every minute with them it becomes infectious, almost like a sick drug. You can't get enough of him, you can't get away. When you are away.. you wish you weren't. And even though as you're thinking about that person, they aren't here. They left you behind, like nothing mattered. I guess I'm just bitter, a little upset. I just don't understand how someone can tell you they love you one day, and the next day its like you never shared anything together. All the laughs, all the looks, the smiles, the hugs, the kisses, holding hands, the way you stared into his eyes the moment you realized "wow, this guy is a keeper" only to realize, you were wrong. It sucks when you can't simply forget someone like they simply forgot you. I guess at the end of the day.. I won't forget you - although you already forgot me.

NC

I'm not here for a long time ; I'm here for a goodtime

Well, I was unaware how to do this whole blog thing at all. My friend has a blog & I read her blog, and read some of the other blogs she subscribes too. I figured I may as well get one, considering she kept on saying "OMG you should get one blah blah etc etc" SO.. Here I am. May not be the best first blog post, but hey I am brand new too this. I guess I should explain a little about myself. Well for starters my names Nicole. I currently was able to achieve the goal of getting my DREAM   job. Its what I have always wanted to do, working with make-up, working with people, doing what I have always loved. I have learned so much in my short time at my position things I'd love to share with you ! Besides my job, I am a typical 22 year old girl. I get boy crazy, I have mood swings, sometimes I feel prettiest in sweats, I am still trying to discover who I am & who I want to be. I watch lame TV shows, I laugh at stupid jokes, I'm just me. I was always raised to follow my dreams and believe in myself, so I think thats what my blog will be about. Things that inspire me, quotes I like, the way I view the world, things that make me laugh, things that make me cry, my favorite songs, my favorite movies. It will be how I feel, what I wish I could feel, things I learned that day. So I hope you all enjoy it, this is something totally new too me, something I'd never do. I have always enjoyed expressing my feelings by writing, but sometimes writing in a journal doesn't help as much, its all about feed back. Welcome to my beautiful dream, my beautiful life, my beautiful world.

NC